COMMITMENT TO CAVOODLE
Always an emcee, never a bride. It seems to be the prophecy for many ‘fun gay men’ such as myself. Of the six weddings I’ve attended in my life, I’ve emceed four of them. It’s from this experience I can confidently say: all weddings are indistinguishable.
Bunting, polaroid cameras, and some distant cousin called ‘Axel’ adorned in black Dirty Dogs and fedora, smoking with waitstaff around the back of the portaloos.
It is easy for me to feel cynical about it all and considering it was a right not even granted to ‘fun gay men’ such as myself until seven years ago, it’s also something I’ve even questioned the worth of doing in the first place.
It would be disingenuous of me to say that a small part of me isn’t jealous of the couples I announce to the floor to shuffle awkwardly around to Ed Sheeran for their first dance. The public declaration of love is such a firm and clear line in the sand – a powerfully romantic way to break up the Ninety Mile Beach that
is a relationship.
And while I’m aware of how cool I sound when I say marriage is just an heteronormative financial contract, a little part of me also delights in the thought that someone might gift me a nice cutlery set. Is there anything better than free cutlery?
To proudly declare your commitment to a stranger you swiped right on five years ago, in a way also feels uniquely radical. But for my boyfriend and I, we want to define the framework for that declaration.
We’ve compromised, no wedding, no churches, and no Ed Sheeran. Instead, a Dog Ownership Ceremony.
What better way for two fun gay men to declare their commitment to one another than vowing in front of family (including Axel) to raise a highly demanding cavoodle together for the rest of their lives, or until the ice caps melt/second global pandemic strikes?
I guess this doesn’t make me any different to the other brides organising their unique weddings either, does it?
PS. I’ve set up a registry at Bally’s.
Chris has joined the Avenues team as a regular columnist. You can find more from Chris, here.